We’ve all been told that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  In our modern world now one may also add, if you have the money you can have the looks, when you don’t the results can be deadly.  Many Transpeople’s in the beginning of their transition are eager to see the results of the estrogen or testosterone injections.  After spending a number of years trapped in a body we may have grown to hate.  We can easily see how so many of us, holding a syringe of estrogen or testosterone, see it as our magic potion that will bring the happy ending to our long suffered story.  Corazon Aquino once said, “Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things - with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope.” 
       In the late seventies and early eighties most Transpeople’s, more specifically Transwomen, being part of the greater LGBT community found themselves as entertainers in countless gay bars around the country.  As one  friend, a 35 year veteran of female impersonation  has told me, “In the early days, there wasn’t a gay bar around that didn’t have showgirls.”  What seems to be the norm in gay club culture in the early eighties maybe now considered passé?  Whichever you choose to believe the point she was making was that for many Transwomen performing as female impersonators, competing at the local, state and national pageant systems was the only way or maybe most profitable way Transwomen were able to make a living and enjoy being who they are.  In that atmosphere, and this is only my hypothesis, of competition it seems the need for instant and fast results in appearance may have begun.  With weeks before a national pageant, many transgender showgirls would increase the work of in house, not license doctors to perform medical silicone injections.  The temptation to stand before your peers in competition with a near over night increase in bust size or enhanced facial features has led many Transwomen over the years to disfigure their bodies.
      Over the years, the iron curtain of discrimination has begun to be lifted for many in the Trans community.   Doors once closed and limit young Transwomen to ballrooms, gay bars cabarets and the streets now many are seen in the work place, Universities and the media.  The need for quick results unfortunately also has increased and in recent years we’ve witnessed several top media circulated horror stories of silicone injections.   One the most memorable maybe O’Neal Morris, the crudely nicknamed fix a flat nurse, who after an allegation by a female victim Shatarka Nuby, 31, reported that her skin became hot and turned black after the injections harden under her skin, O’Neal was later arrested.   “Investigators determined that Morris injected substances such as bathroom caulk, cement, super glue, fix-a-flat and mineral oil into the bodies of her victims,” Sheriff’s office told NBC6 South Florida. 

“She once told Nuby’s aunt she was using silicon from home depot.”

Alleged 'toxic tush' nurse victim Shatarka Nuby died in March after police say she paid thousands of dollars to have her buttocks, hips, breasts and thighs injected with a deadly mix of substances including fix-a-flat by fake doctor O’Neal Morris.

The 31-year-old mother of three died while incarcerated in a Tallahassee jail, Florida after what medical examiners called "massive systemic silicone migration" as a consequence of cosmetic silicone injections performed back in 2007 and 2008.

Nuby was in jail for identity theft, not for anything related to the booty injections.

Morris was facing charges of practicing medicine without a license and causing bodily injury to other women but she is now facing manslaughter charges over Nuby's death and is being held in jail.

Shatarka Nuby died due to injections                         The duchess aka O’Neal Morris

     Two women lives forever altered for a fast quick fix to beauty.  Even as we are informed as a society more and more of the horrors of silicone injections there are still many supporters and those still willing to roll the dice?  In my community a friend had begun transition; she was not seeing the results she wanted fast enough.  After months of other friends and I warning her of the dangers, she still did not see she could be a victim from silicone.  Finally I said, since she was the girl that relied heavily on the opinion of males to ask a man.  If it was beauty she was after, I realized there was nothing another woman could tell her that she wouldn’t doubt.  Thankfully she had her eyes open drastically; she’d report that countless men told her of previous girls they have dated who had taken silicone injections.   As she puts it, their barrage of negative comments about such Transwomen totally prejudiced her against the procedure.  After two years of constant hormone therapy she’s now a natural 36c and very pleased. Again I’m reminded by wise words, Confucius “It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.”      

     Given time most transgender on hormone therapy will see redistribution of fat to the breast and hip area and given time will get the desired results.  I have often heard you can at least expect to be half the size of your mother.  Fact or myth the point is very few women have the same breast size or curves and how we develop is based a lot on staying with a hormone regime, exercise and good nutrition.  In time you can have thebody you’ve always felt on the inside but rushing the process can leave you permantley scared for life.  My friend struggles with what now to tell the younger transgender females she meets, and can’t seem to get them to understand the consequences of getting silicone injections.  This effort led us to find Sinjuan K. Cassadine who has recently released a touching series of vlogs about her troubles with silicone.  After serving time for the accidental death of her own friend whom she injected silicone she shares her own story about living with that pain and her own problems she now faces with the shifting silicone in her body.

Sinjuan K. Cassadine’s videos on YouTube see below

   She’s commended for coming forth with her story.  A warning to rushing the process of beauty and reminder that the most lasting beauty is the beauty inside that we have to share with the world.

By Sabrina Samone, T.M.P writer